Human Resources #3
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- Ch: 09 of Wage Slave -
“Really Billson? Cannibalism? You are clearly a hungry man, but don’t you think this is a bit much?” Jones said, raising his eyes to meet Billson’s.
Billson quickly looked away and bit down harder on his lip. This time drawing some blood. Instinctively he attempted to swallow it, but was once again denied this basic reflex.
Returning to his papers, Jones continued, “Multiple reports, collected from a number of witnesses, have verified the accuracy of the following statement; said in response to the question ‘how would you solve world hunger?’ You responded with the following, and I quote.”
Jones turned his eyes down onto his page and read,
“First I would round up all of the world’s fattest 50% of people. Quarantine them, and turn them into food. This food would then be preserved and distributed to the remaining 50% of the world’s population. World hunger would be eliminated, obesity would clearly be gone, population issues would be addressed, and the pollution crisis would be over. Think about it, with less people to sustain, and a massive surplus of food, initially from the preserved bodies, and then from what they are no longer consuming, the world would be saved.”
After pausing for what Billson assumed was an eternity, Jones added,
“Did I miss anything Billson?”
Nervously, Billson offered his defence,
“Well it would work right? Besides I would clearly be one of the first to become food!”
“Just what were you thinking?”
“It was a joke. We were all joking. Jokes never work when they are read out like that, all cold and with no context.”
Sighing, Jones retorted
“Do you see how people could be offended? How the concept of geocoding half of the human race and then cannibalising them to the remaining half may cross a few lines?”
Billson nodded and Jones continued,
“I am going to go out on a limb for you here Billson and keep you on board. I have to call in some favours for you, but I think that I will be able to pull some strings. But I must warn you, there will be certain provisions you will need to comply with.”
Billson gulped, then smiled realising that his ability to swallow was finally returning to him.
“First you need to report to cultural sensitivity training each week for six months. You will also need to prepare a report titled ‘Appropriate Workplace Conversation and Etiquette’. Finally you will be required to personally apologise to all involved. Oh and of course you will be required to work overtime to make up for your lost productivity. Agreed?”
Billson simply nodded.
“You can go now.”
Billson grunted as he got up off the chair and excused himself from the room. Rather than heading straight for the elevator, he made a pit stop at the vending machine,
“Just a couple for the road.”
Once Billson began his long decent back down towards his cubicle, Jones began chuckling to himself.
Finding a notepad, he wrote down the following, ‘If you want to solve all of the world’s problems, feed the fattest 50% of people to the skinniest 50%. No more global warming, poverty or obesity’. Jones then pulled out a large pin board labelled ‘Billson’s Best’ and attached it at the bottom.
‘Human Resources #3’ is part of Wage Slave
Out now: eBook, Paperback & Audible
