maybe

maybe i’m not shy
or introverted
or defective
or broken
or any of the other put downs
my mind likes to offer up

maybe
just maybe
i am exactly who i needed to be
to survive

cautious
careful
considerate

maybe i learnt
to look before i leap
to consider all possibilities
to be sure before allowing myself to relax

maybe that negative voice
only speaks of the version of me
that has his guard up

maybe
just maybe
if you get to know me
if you wait long enough
if you earn my trust

maybe then
i’ll let you in

maybe then
you will see
who i really am

---

This poem is from the book Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul

Panic Attack

You know what’s worse
Than feeling completely overwhelmed
By the mundanity of normal life?

The shame

The knowing
That I
Now must
Make plans to cope
With things most others thoughtlessly navigate

The knowing
That I
Now must
Choose between
The embarrassment of bailing
Or the embarrassment of failing

The knowing
That I
Now must
Accept
The fact that I am limited
That my desires will forever outstrip my capacity

All in order to survive
A crowd
A noise
A smell
A look
A word
A touch
A thought

Yes
Even a thought

My mind
In its infinite wisdom
Sometimes views the thoughts it itself creates
As so dangerous to its own existence
That it deems it appropriate
To shut itself down

The shame
The isolation
The confusion
The loneliness
The limitation
The fear
The inevitability
The holding back
The rumination
The depression

The shame

---

This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken

Those Few Words

Those few words
Gave voice
To the silence
I always knew
Was there

---

This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken