POETRY

Living expressions of inner work. Offered as a glimpse of the process towards radical self-acceptance, healing, and growth.

Poetry, dark night of the soul Zachary Phillips Poetry, dark night of the soul Zachary Phillips

Why Do I Flee?

 

I rush off
Like I’ve got somewhere to be
Something to do
Or someone to see

But that’s a lie
Cause the reality is it’s just gonna be me
Scared and alone and devoid of esprit
Asking the same questions repeatedly
‘Why do I end conversations so quickly?
And why do I flee
When all that I crave is company?’

Daily
I attempt to reconcile this hypocrisy
But the internal enquiry
Just yields me a dark prophecy
It states with nihilistic glee that
‘Happiness is impossible to guarantee’

Oh well
At least my family
Can use this poetry on my obituary

So if you’re reading this
Please ignore the depravity
The dead should be looked upon positively
Their transgressions forgotten to the pasts obscurity

I’m left wondering if this pain a function of my pedigree
If it was meant to be
Or if I brought it upon me
Cursed by fate and my family tree
Or by god and a world that rewards functionality
And profit derived from cruelty
Take what you can and fuck all that disagree
Prosperity if your right as long as you are free
As long as you agree

I’m so angry
And tired
And disproportionately craving insobriety
The only thing keeping me here is my children’s plea
Daddy won’t you come play with me?

 
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Poetry Zachary Phillips Poetry Zachary Phillips

Toxic Nightmare

 

The toxic nightmare
The dream that traps you
Into believing you’re awake
That lets you live your fantasy
For just long enough
To taste heaven
But not long enough
To be satiated
Before you are wretched
Back into reality
By a chiding laugh
Laced with criticism
For being so gullible
As to believe
You deserve
Happiness
Let alone a beautiful dream

 
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Poetry, bound to the wings Zachary Phillips Poetry, bound to the wings Zachary Phillips

The (un)Happy Family

 

***Trigger Warning***

Sure we seem normal from the outside,
But look closer and you will see,
The crevasses and cracks appearing,
In this happy family.

Daddy’s upright and professional,
Leaving for work early each day,
Except he’s banging his manager,
Yep, he is a closeted gay.

It started out as an extortion attempt,
The boss abusing his position,
Until Dad realised he enjoyed it,
Now he’s happy to be in submission.

It’s led to promotions,
And a new corner workspace,
Now he’s grooming his secretary,
Putting him in the same place.

Then there’s my little sister,
As cute as a button,
But on her first day of school,
She was taken as mutton.

Her teacher said she was naughty,
She was to stay back after class,
Told her to write lines,
But it was all just a farce.

My sister God bless her,
Hasn’t told a soul,
She just cut up her arms,
And eats to fill the hole.

My brother is nice and polite,
He always smiles appropriately.
But when left alone,
He acts demonstrably.

He is the reason why
Our cat passed away,
And why we no longer have
Our two dogs to play.

He wets the bed,
And lights garden fires
He once lost his mask,
And slashed some car tyres.

My big sister is devout,
Good grades, charity and service.
Because whether it’s in church or the floor,
On her knees she certainly isn’t nervous.

She almost got caught once,
In a locker room stall.
But her reputation as a saint,
Provided a deceptive shawl.

No she won’t go all the way,
She’s waiting for that special someone,
But that doesn’t stop her,
Giving all the boys some fun.

Now Mother’s a special case,
She keeps herself done up all nice,
Maintaining a pretty house,
And playing the good wife.

But when Dad’s at work,
And the kids are all out,
She downs some special pills,
And just lazes about.

She’s not happy with her life,
But isn’t sure why,
All she knows,
Is that she’s planning to die.

What about me you ask,
Have I faired any better?
Well I’ve learnt to keep myself hidden,
With silence as my fetter.

It’s better when I’m ignored,
And left to my own devices,
Because if I need them for anything,
I have to make some sacrifices.

Giving up my dinner,
Is much more preferred.
Than to be locked in my room,
With my screams overheard.

This is my happy family,
We keep to our own,
Never letting people in,
Learning to act the drone.

We don’t speak up,
No one could understand,
Nor could they do anything,
Cause they won’t see it first hand.

Dad’s never home,
And mum could be sober for a day,
My brother’s playing in backyard,
My big sister will just pray.

Nor will you see the cuts,
On my little sister’s arms,
Like me she covers her wounds
And other signs of self harm.

Besides, we would all defend each other
When push comes to shove,
Because know that the real danger,
Comes from outside of family love.

Despite all their problems,
They are all that I’ve got.
So what else can I do,
But accept them as my lot?

This poem is from the book Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly

 
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Poetry, bound to the wings, poem Zachary Phillips Poetry, bound to the wings, poem Zachary Phillips

Paradox of Affliction

 

I need you to help me,
But you overwhelm me.

I need support,
But I cannot bring myself to ask.

I need an intervention,
But I will fight against change.

I need answers,
But I don’t know what to ask.

I need a miracle,
But I don’t believe they exist.

I need something,
But I don’t know what it is.

I need this to stop,
But I’m too afraid to act.

This poem is from the book Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly

 
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Poetry, bound to the wings, poem Zachary Phillips Poetry, bound to the wings, poem Zachary Phillips

Prognosis

 

I’m sorry to confirm,
You have a case of thought worm.

Soon they will infect your brain,
With reverberated pain.

They will burrow and squirm
And spread their sperm.

Then their spawn will begin to drain
And eventually you’ll be driven insane

You gotta hold firm,
Cause you’re in it for the long term.

I say it again,
In vigilance you must remain.

Still, you’re gonna end up infirm,
Cause you’re infected by a thought worm.

This poem is from the book Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly

 
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