Triggered

I cannot whisper
The words I wish to scream

Tears fall
At the precipice of silence

Unmoving internal chaos
Catatonic rage

Memories of the present
Give way to realities of the past

All again
All at once

Visions flash
To the beat of the body’s rocking

The internal observer
Watches helpless

Why can’t you see I’m suffering?
Don’t you dare touch me

Thank god
For Valium

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This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken

me at 36

i’m 36
crying and triggered
remembering when i was 8
remembering my stepfather
remembering the warnings that went unheard
remembering the pleas for help went unanswered
remembering the fear
remembering the confusion
remembering the choice to force myself to forget

remembering
crying
writing

remembering
crying
and writing more

desperately hoping that all this is somehow also healing

it’s my birthday and my family are watching me breakdown
i am stoned on weed
valium
memory
and music

tears
my ink

pain
my pen

words
my voice

… it’s time to blow out the candles and make a wish
perhaps i’ll live to wish another …

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This poem is from the book Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul

Leave

something innocuous
i’m triggered again
i know
it’s not your fault
despite how it feels
there’s nothing to be done
but leave

alone again
triggered by memory
unwarranted actions
taken against you
in a moment of passion
there was nothing for you to do
but leave

---

This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken

I’m Coming For You

It’s time I got my own
From a world that didn’t care
From a world that wasn’t home
Taken and laid bare
Taken before I had grown
My home turned into a lair
Used and left alone
But now I can share
But now I have grown
But now I will dare
To take back that loan
To make the ledgers fair

Perhaps you need a clue?
Because I still remember
Now I am coming for you
A new contender
If you only knew
That night in December
That door stepped through
Had me questioning my gender
Unsure of what was true
You took life’s splendor
Now its time for a coup
You consummate pretender
Your sins have come due
No, I won’t be tender
What I will do
Is become future’s defender

You are just a fucking mutt
Your crimes will be laid bare
Turned me into a slut
Were you so unaware?
Forced my mind shut
But I will now dare
A swift knife cut
Some pain to share
I’ll force your eyes shut
Into a death glare

I’m coming for you

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This poem is from the book Bound To The Wings Of A Butterfly