Am I Hitting Rock Bottom?
Hitting rock bottom can feel like the end, like everything has fallen apart and there’s no clear way forward. But for many, including myself, the feeling of wondering am I hitting rock bottom can also be the beginning of profound transformation. Drawing from my personal experience with mental illness, and trauma, and my work as a counselor, this post explores whether we wait to hit rock bottom, or if we actually find ourselves at a swap bottom, how to recognise it, and why it might just be the turning point that leads you toward healing, clarity, and change.
Am I Hitting Rock Bottom or Not?
Rock bottom implies a hard abrupt end. A clear definable point at which things can’t get worse.
I realise I’ve been waiting for such a point, waiting for a clear moment where I can say, ‘ah ha! This is it, this is the lowest point of the dark night of my soul.’ Where I am hitting rock bottom.
But now I realise that the analogy of rock bottom is faulty.
Recognising rock bottom isn’t always about one dramatic event, it’s often a slow realisation that your current way of living is no longer sustainable. It’s asking yourself ‘Am I hitting rock bottom?’ more and more often over time. It might look like emotional exhaustion, losing interest in everything you once cared about, or feeling like you’ve run out of options.
You might notice patterns: destructive behaviours you can’t stop, relationships falling apart, or a deep sense of hopelessness. Sometimes, it’s the moment when you say, “I can’t do this anymore”, and you mean it. It’s not always the worst thing that’s ever happened to you, but it is often the moment you become ready to change.
If you’ve been feeling this way, these are all signs that you need help, don’t wait for a more definite end point, there may not be one exact rock bottom. All of these feelings mean that something is not right.
Which is why I don’t love the analogy of rock bottom as it implies one definite end, whereas I think it’s more of a slow, confusing decline. What if instead of rock bottom , we actually hit a ‘swamp bottom’; a kind of existential sludge, in which you slowly drown. A place in which those beautiful glorious sporadic gasps of air feel like safety. A place where the rare rays of sunlight that manage to hit your face feel like mana from heaven.
The swamp is an insidious place filled with vermin capable of poisoning your very soul. It is filled with pitfalls and traps and quicksand, that will pull you down and keep you there. Snaring you with triggers, faulty cognitions, ruminations, and addictions.
This is a swamp of the mind, of the body, and of the soul. One without a solid bottom, one without something firm to push back against, one without a clear “end”.
I’ve been waiting to hit rock bottom , waiting and fearing that I will lose it all before I can manage to ‘bounce back’ and recover, perhaps subconsciously needing my story to be one of redemption from obliteration. One that has a clearly defined low point from which to rise.
But what if I reframe my suffering as hitting a swamp bottom, and slowly but surely pull myself out of the sludge?
What if I take note of where I am, become aware of my surroundings, and move slowly, carefully, and mindfully, to safe ground?
What if I share lessons learnt with the world, so that other people may also avoid their swamp?
I realise, the dark night of my soul never was a night, but rather the darkness was caused by the thick abyss of the swamp’s clutches.
But now that I see what I am facing, now that I see what I need to begin escaping, I can take the actions needed to survive.
And then?
Well then I can thrive.
If you think you might be hitting rock bottom, the most important thing to know is that you're not alone, and this moment can be the beginning of real change. When everything feels like it's falling apart, it’s often a sign that something deeper within you is asking to be seen, felt, and healed.
One powerful way to begin that inner work is through shadow work, the process of exploring the parts of yourself you’ve hidden or suppressed. To support you on that journey, I’ve created a free Shadow Work Workbook that offers prompts and guidance to help you face what's within and begin to rebuild from the inside out. Sometimes the only way forward is through, and this workbook can help you take that first step.
Shadow Work Workbook
Shadow work is the practice of exploring the hidden, often uncomfortable parts of ourselves, the thoughts, memories, and behaviours we’ve suppressed or rejected. Often, these untouched or avoided parts of ourselves are the things making up that swamp bottom. It can be confronting, but it’s also one of the most powerful tools for deep self-awareness and healing. For this reason I have made a free shadow work workbook designed to gently guide you through this process.
Drawing from his own journey with trauma and personal growth, shadow work, swamps and knowing what it’s like to hit rock bottom, I invite you to face your inner shadow with curiosity and compassion, because real transformation begins when we’re willing to look within. Click here to read it, you can either read it in browser, download a free PDF or print it to be able to write and do the journaling exercises.
Read more:
Exposing Inner Demons – An Uncut Example Of Writing Therapy
A Moment Of Darkness Is The Opportunity For Light
You can read more about my journey to swamp bottom and back in my book, Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul.
