The Cave

Once
When I was a young boy
You yelled at me

Objectively
It wasn’t much
But it was enough

That night
I built a cave
Inside my mind

One that overlooked
A lake
Whose water
Perfectly reflected
The beauty
Of the nature
That surrounded it

The cave was secret
And strong
And safe

The lake was still
And soft
And serene

I quickly learnt
To hide in that cave
And to gaze upon the water of the lake
Loosing myself
In the reflection
Of a false reality
Made real
By fear

You never yelled at me again
In fact
We never really spoke
At least
Not about anything that mattered

As you pulled away from me
I found solace
Sitting in the cave
Whose creation you inspired

I’d look at the lake
Wishing
You’d appear
Wishing you would
Say
‘Son, won’t you come swim with me?’

But you never came

Later
When I left home
You didn’t fight for me
You didn’t speak or even acknowledge
My absence

But you did leave a mark on my mind

That cave
Is now haunted
By the silent screams
Of the words
You left unsaid

And that lake
Still has ripples
From the rocks
We never thew
Together

The beauty of nature is obscured
By your indifference

And
I no longer
Have anywhere safe
To hide

---

This poem is inspired by the book How To Write Evocative Poetry

To Purchase The Moon

I sacrificed the sun
To purchase the moon
Working hard
From dusk to noon

But all you see
Is me locked away
Stuck in my room
Unable to play

I’m trading my time
For you to live
It’s the only thing
I’m able to give

I’m so sorry son
I know you need more
You need more of me
Of that I’m sure

I hate how this world
Forces us apart
I long for the days
I could apprentice you to my art

But that would just be
A different kind of pain
What if you didn’t want
To work in my same vein?

Thus my attempt
To lift you high as I can
I want you to become
A fulfilled and happy man

There is no right answer
Beyond a cry and a shrug
Other than to read you a nightly story
And depart with a hug

Just know I’m always thinking
Of you and your brother
I love you both
You two and your mother

---

This poem is from the book Wage Slave, The Unpaid Overtime Edition

Trapped & Alone

Of course you feel so trapped and alone
It’s the only life you’ve ever known
It’s impossible to see what you’ve never been shown
Impossible to think when your life’s on loan
Forced to become what you should’ve outgrown
No true role model other than those
In your home
The actions taken now your future will atone
Already you are regretting the seeds you have sown
Already you are wondering if your mind is your own
Acutely aware of how you act the drone
Just another hapless soul addicted to their phone
Just another underpaid overworked useless clone
You know it’s not enough just to sit and bemoan
Your slavery to capitalism or how the algorithm has you prone
Or how you waste everyday dreaming of the unknown
Losing yourself in the fantasies you’ll forever postpone
Following the leaders you should have overthrown
Following the narrative spoken in that safe monotone
How easy it is to comply to accept and condone
To just go on feeling trapped and alone

---

This poem is from the book Wage Slave, The Unpaid Overtime Edition

i’m worth keeping

upon waking
i’m dismayed to discover myself already breaking
thoughts preaching
lights beaming
whispered voices that feel like screaming

i find myself fleeing
huddling in a corner
counting heartbeats
shallow breathing

i can actually feel my rationality leaving
whatever i was is now just dissociated dreaming

i long to find meaning
behind these tears now streaming
but all i can muster is passive disbelieving

i thought such pain was leaving
i thought i was a book worth reading
i thought by sharing and speaking
my days would be filled with more than just ink bleeding

time passes and i hear my kids pleading
they want their dad
not some broken mess stuck self-defeating

time to put on the mask and pretend that the world has stopped screeching
that my thoughts are no longer scheming
and that my pain is receding

but then they hug me and tell me i’m worth keeping
they jump and laugh with smiles gleaming
inviting me to play
requesting
repeating
a loving greeting worth receiving

the world softens
stuck turns fleeting
colour returns
that unmovable block retreating
tension releasing
light increasing
clear seeing

i hold them
and commit to continue proceeding
today was hard
but sometimes just surviving counts as succeeding

---

This poem is inspired by the book How To Write Evocative Poetry

These Words

These words
Are such a limp expression
Of the rage
You’ve evoked
Within me

You cannot fathom
The pain I could induce
Were I to yield
The full weight of my mind
Upon the sole task
Of destroying yours

---

This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken

A Mirror

A mirror reflects differently,
Backwards, reversing your stare.
What's dark out here is light in there.

With pain on my face I look away.
Make it stop! Get rid of it, now! Today!

I peel away the face off my skin.
My mask is gone, the blackness glares, Tunneling further in.

Digging, chewing, boring its way deeper.
I fall to my knees, feeling hollow and weaker.

The bridge in my dreams,
Becomes the place I take flight.
This is where it ends,
Now, this night.

Bound and restricted, both heavy and light.
My mind and body have all but lost the fight.

Will a light come to save me?
Or forsaken will I remain,
Alone and insane?

---

This poem is from the book Words On A Page

Sorry My Boy

Sorry my boy
I’ve got something to do
And unfortunately
It doesn’t involve you

Sorry my boy
I don’t have the time to chat
I’m too busy
But you know that

Sorry my boy
I can’t play right now
There is too much on
I’ve done as much as my schedule will allow

Hey my boy
I’m finally free
Want to hang out
Just you and me?

Sorry my dad
I’ve got too much on
With my work and my mates
My time is all gone

---

This poem is from the book Wage Slave, The Unpaid Overtime Edition

me at 36

i’m 36
crying and triggered
remembering when i was 8
remembering my stepfather
remembering the warnings that went unheard
remembering the pleas for help went unanswered
remembering the fear
remembering the confusion
remembering the choice to force myself to forget

remembering
crying
writing

remembering
crying
and writing more

desperately hoping that all this is somehow also healing

it’s my birthday and my family are watching me breakdown
i am stoned on weed
valium
memory
and music

tears
my ink

pain
my pen

words
my voice

… it’s time to blow out the candles and make a wish
perhaps i’ll live to wish another …

---

This poem is from the book Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul

Sacrifices

I wonder if
On the day I finally
‘Make it’
I will regret
The sacrifices
It took
To get there

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This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken

An Apology To The Future

As elders
We suffer
The pain
Of our pasts

Niggles become nuisance
Ignorance becomes issue
Beauty becomes blemish

Choices
Made long ago
Become the chains of our present

Back then
I was free
To take any path
Oblivious of consequence

Now
Having walked those paths
Those consequences
Force me to keep walking

An adult
Bound
By the decisions
Of a child

I am
Who I am
Only because
I was
Who I was

Will future me
Resent these words?

Or will I look back
As I do now
With compassion
Knowing I did my best
With what I had?

All I can offer is
An apology
To the future

I am sorry
For the pain
My choices
Will bring you

This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken