blessed with life's baggage

contemplating suicide
is a luxury
i can no longer afford

i am blessed
with life’s baggage
weighed down by love

spurred
by the desire
to prove them wrong

cajoled into action
my inner voice
softly screaming

to be more
than a footnote
of failure

to act
in-spite of doubt
and fear of judgement

to resolve
to do everything
to ensure my legacy

when I die
i will die
having truly lived

---

This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken

To Purchase The Moon

I sacrificed the sun
To purchase the moon
Working hard
From dusk to noon

But all you see
Is me locked away
Stuck in my room
Unable to play

I’m trading my time
For you to live
It’s the only thing
I’m able to give

I’m so sorry son
I know you need more
You need more of me
Of that I’m sure

I hate how this world
Forces us apart
I long for the days
I could apprentice you to my art

But that would just be
A different kind of pain
What if you didn’t want
To work in my same vein?

Thus my attempt
To lift you high as I can
I want you to become
A fulfilled and happy man

There is no right answer
Beyond a cry and a shrug
Other than to read you a nightly story
And depart with a hug

Just know I’m always thinking
Of you and your brother
I love you both
You two and your mother

---

This poem is from the book Wage Slave, The Unpaid Overtime Edition

beauty of the sea

i closed my eyes to the beauty of the sea
shielding the fragile part of my soul
that still believed
in the childish notion of an untainted moment

as i walked away
i couldn’t help but hear the crash of the waves
nor could i ignore the subtle fragrance
of echoed memories telling stories
of countless days lost and found
of floating
of sun-drenched smiles
of laughter
and of the salty tears of rebellion against a world that was forcing me to leave

i am crying those same tears now
their slow descent down my cheeks
mirroring a life spent running away from itself
too afraid to taste the saltiness of the water
too afraid to feel the sun or hear the waves
and too afraid to cry tears of departure
that i never allow myself to see
the beauty of the sea that is in front of me

---

This poem is inspired by the book How To Write Evocative Poetry

i’m worth keeping

upon waking
i’m dismayed to discover myself already breaking
thoughts preaching
lights beaming
whispered voices that feel like screaming

i find myself fleeing
huddling in a corner
counting heartbeats
shallow breathing

i can actually feel my rationality leaving
whatever i was is now just dissociated dreaming

i long to find meaning
behind these tears now streaming
but all i can muster is passive disbelieving

i thought such pain was leaving
i thought i was a book worth reading
i thought by sharing and speaking
my days would be filled with more than just ink bleeding

time passes and i hear my kids pleading
they want their dad
not some broken mess stuck self-defeating

time to put on the mask and pretend that the world has stopped screeching
that my thoughts are no longer scheming
and that my pain is receding

but then they hug me and tell me i’m worth keeping
they jump and laugh with smiles gleaming
inviting me to play
requesting
repeating
a loving greeting worth receiving

the world softens
stuck turns fleeting
colour returns
that unmovable block retreating
tension releasing
light increasing
clear seeing

i hold them
and commit to continue proceeding
today was hard
but sometimes just surviving counts as succeeding

---

This poem is inspired by the book How To Write Evocative Poetry

Unfortunately

How
Can I accept
Your offer to help
When that very offer
Is tainted?

By opening myself
To your love
I would also be reopening
The old wounds
Inflicted by you

Unfortunately
For both of us
Your love
Isn’t strong enough
To stop that pain

Unfortunately
For both of us
I am not
Strong enough
To move on

---

This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken

Looking In

I close my eyes.

Where once there was vividness
There is now a vague blur.

Stories and visions intermingle
A kaleidoscope of confusion.

Words and non-words alike
Are spoken and responded to.

The allure of reality is lost,
Replaced by the bliss of the abyss.

The joy of not knowing
Is ever more tempting.

Closing my eyes to avoid it all,
To get to where release was once felt.

But no more.
The avalanche of memory greets me.
I cannot escape the pain inside.
I long to let it go.

To let it all go.

---

This poem is from the book Words On A Page

Sorry My Boy

Sorry my boy
I’ve got something to do
And unfortunately
It doesn’t involve you

Sorry my boy
I don’t have the time to chat
I’m too busy
But you know that

Sorry my boy
I can’t play right now
There is too much on
I’ve done as much as my schedule will allow

Hey my boy
I’m finally free
Want to hang out
Just you and me?

Sorry my dad
I’ve got too much on
With my work and my mates
My time is all gone

---

This poem is from the book Wage Slave, The Unpaid Overtime Edition

Love Is

Love is a mortgage,
A debt promise of pain.
Paid with interest,
For those you outlive.

Love is making connections
Despite knowing they will be broken.
And it’s the letting go
Of the guilt for doing so.

Love is for the small sacrifices,
That contain the hidden joys.
And the memory that’s both
Blessing and curse.

Love is knowing when to push,
And when you must concede.
The realisation that you’re wrong,
And the leaving of transgressions unseen.

Love is the give and take,
The unspoken word.
The comforts freely given,
And those gratefully accepted.

Love is the discipline to say no,
Through begging, pleading and pain.
And the careful observation,
Of limits reached.

Love is tempered guidance,
A shot at eternity.
And the words of encouragement,
To try once more.

Love is a partnership,
A bonding of the muse.
A step into darkness,
Taken together in faith.

---

This poem is from the book Reflections of the Self, The Poetry, Insights, and Wisdom Of Silence

Do You Love Me, Or Just The Idea Of Me?

Do you love me,
Or just the idea of me?

I may be your ‘dream girl’
But I am real,
And that reality is different
From your fantasy.

How often must we fight,
Just to clarify
That you expected
Me to speak differently?

How many tears must fall,
Just to realise
That you expected
Me to be something I’m not?

If you love me,
Please drop your expectations
And open your eyes
To the real me.

My body has blemishes.
I will lose my temper.
I judge unfairly.
I get things wrong. 

I am not perfect,
No one is.
Unless of course,
They’re just a dream.

---

This poem is from the book A Requiem For What Could Have Been: Poetry For The Broken

Let’s Pledge To Repair

I know you care
And that you’ll always be there
But our intimacy?
It’s threadbare
Our bodies are no longer aware of the softness we would once share
It’s unfair
That the first thing to go was caress of one another’s hair
And the impromptu hugs that came from anywhere
No one is to blame
We just became distracted by stress’s snare
And focused on our children’s welfare
I know it’s wrong to compare
But I know we both miss the fanfare
The tender words that would soothe any nightmare
The love we would declare
And the time we would spare
So please
Take my hands
Let’s pledge to repair
To once again become a pair
To take time together no matter where
And no matter what events snare
Let’s swear
To take time daily and simply stare
Into each other’s eyes
Into each others hearts
To see each other bare
Let’s choose to share the same air
To take those gestures now rare
And gift them everywhere
To help each other up the stairs
To listen to the despair
To sit together in prayer
To love
And to be aware
Does that sound fair?

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This poem is from the book Poetry from a Dark Night of the Soul