Why writing a web comic is harder than writing about trauma

I write down what was discussed, and any advice given. I do not want to leave the session and forget what was covered. I am paying for it after all, with my time, money, and mental state…

Mindfulness is the awareness that arises from purposefully paying non-judgmental attention to the present moment.

This brief definition hides a significant amount of wisdom, so it is worth unpacking. Mindfulness is the awareness, not the act of meditation. We practice meditation to become mindful, first on the meditation mat, and then increasingly in our everyday lives. We do this by paying nonjudgmental awareness to the present moment. This sounds simple enough, but it can be deceptively complex. It involves observing the contents of consciousness, both internal and external, for what they are, as they are; without overlaying additional judgements, labels, thoughts, concepts, wishes, desires, or anything else.

Want to lose my respect? Attempt to rush my recovery or place my mental health on a (your) time limit…

During therapy, I take notes.

I write down what was discussed, and any advice given. I do not want to leave the session and forget what was covered. I am paying for it after all, with my time, money, and mental state.

A quick review of our past reveals many moments of joy and positivity; times when things just worked. When a failure came, it did not break us. We picked ourselves back up, learnt a lesson, and pushed forward. Similarly, we can look back and see expanses of misery and suffering. Times where we were down and out, at rock bottom and struggling. There were occasional wins, yet these barely succeeded in moving the needle.

Some I know of and actively avoid. Others blindside me. Some are specific, only occurring around a particular person or situation. Others are global and will without fail impact me anywhere and everywhere.

It can be a look, a smell, a touch. Anything.

Social anxiety is a relationship killer. It makes me bail on connections, say no to almost everything, and fret over small interactions. This ultimately results in people thinking I am rude, that I don’t like them, or that I don’t care.

I moved out of home young in an attempt to escape the neglect and the perpetual fear that comes from having a drug dealer for a father. To survive, I lived off charity, government handouts, and part time work to get me through high school.

Weight loss happens in the kitchen, not the gym.

Today I spent an hour doing interval training: 30 seconds hard sprint, 90 seconds active recovery.

According to the air bike, this burnt 650 calories.

Great, until you compare it to common food items. As an example, a regular (340g) sausage roll is 840 calories.

The point is, it would be a shame to put all that work in only to blow it with poor dietary choices.

It wasn’t until I tried writing that I saw major improvements as a direct result of treatment.

Unlike talking therapy, I found that I could express myself far more freely onto a blank page. When I sat down to write, I didn’t have to worry about what the page thought of me. It can’t judge. I could ramble, reiterate and back track without concern for transmitting understanding to someone else.

By squeezing and relaxing each muscle you will relieve any physical tension held in the body.

Every Day Cary is a term typically reserved for the military, survivalists and conspiracy wackos. Basically, it’s a culmination of all of the things that they carry with them each day.

Each item has a utility and multiple functions. A good daily carry has a certain aesthetic to it: minimalist yet sexy. Functional, high quality and tough.

Guns. They carry a lot of guns…

My relationship with coffee is tumultuous.

In small measured doses it is extremely helpful – focus, energy and motivation levels all increase – it allows me to sit at my laptop and just work.

In large doses however, coffee is crippling. I have a history of mental illness: long years of dealing with past trauma manifested as anxiety, depression and addiction…

As a writer I need to know my character to such a degree that I can convince the reader that they are real. This means that I use the right lingo, hit the appropriate emotions and offer a legitimate look into their life.

There is a trend towards political correctness that has been playing out over the last few years.

What was once funny and acceptable is now considered downright offensive.

Recently JK Rowling has faced backlash for ‘transphobic’ tweets. This has led to her being totally vilified and her master work being pulled apart for other such issues…

Somewhere along the line I lost contact with myself. Trauma froze me in time. This made me withdraw from people.

Connection now scares me.

Being thus frozen, my way of looking at the world, from a relationship perspective also froze. At the time of the freeze I was young. At that age, socialising is often facilitated by the adults for the child, it’s rarely done directly.

A study of patience, practice & perseverance.

Borderline Personality Disorder makes maintaining relationships extremely difficult. If you or your partner have BPD you know exactly what I am talking about.

Rage. Blame. Confusion. Jealousy. Emotionality.

By the end of this post you will know what has helped me to navigate these kinds of relationships successfully and continually.

I have found a lot of success on Skillshare, and have guaranteed a small, yet stable source of online income. Not yet enough live off, but enough to know that I can buy food for my family if my regular job disappears.

I want to clarify some common misconceptions that seem to pervade around the topic of self-harm. If I have missed anything, please let me know.

1) Not everyone who self-harms is suicidal
Whilst there is a definite relationship between self-harm, depression and suicidal ideation, they are not always correlated. One does not have to be suicidal to self-harm, and not all people who are feeling suicidal will self-harm…

Despite everything that happened, I loved my father and still do. To this day my biggest regret is not connecting with him more. I do not forgive him for what he put my brother and me through, but I regret not trying to get to know him on a deeper level, particularly as an adult. When I talk about my childhood, people always say something along the lines of:

“But you were just a child and he was the adult. He should have done more; it was his fault that your relationship fell apart.”

Yes, he was the adult and I was the child. But that truth does not change my role and my actions towards him. I still made the choice to limit contact. I still made the choice to become emotionally distant. I still made the choice to stop seeing him altogether for years. Despite all that he was and all that he did, I still played a role in our relationship, or lack thereof.