There is something spiritual about cutting your hair, about literally discarding a part of your past and the watching as the energy of the present replaces it. Yes, cutting my beard is a simple act, but it symbolic of a decision, to reaffirm myself and to choose to live…

“I don’t watch porn, that shit rots your brain.”

These words were casually said to me by a friend of mine. We were discussing different ways that we ‘Guard Our Mental State’. Basically talking about mental health and the things that we do to ensure that we stay in a stable place …

I don’t know why, but I feel the need to write something down. And then to share it. So I guess you my dear reader are invited to take a journey into the stream of consciousness that is this piece…

When the symptoms of a mental affliction begin to arise, it is important to take action to address the problem as soon as possible. This way the severity, duration and impact of the affliction will be minimised. Unfortunately given the nature of mental illness, it is often very difficult, if not impossible to even realise that action is needed, or to develop the motivation to do so….

Part of me still cringes at posts like this. It goes against so much cultural stigma and childhood conditioning, ‘Stop crying and harden the f*ck up already son’.

The thing is, I have known far too many people who have ended their own lives, self-harmed or turned to drugs.

I’ve suffered in this way myself.

Yet, despite knowing how healing it is to talk and let go of pent-up emotions, particularly rage, embarrassment, confusion and self-worth issues, it is hard for me to do so.

You can’t be as good a parent, sibling, friend, employee, boss, or anything else if you are emotionally drained, compromised, or suffering from a mental affliction.

The better you are, the better you can help others.

Your mind and body are completely interconnected.

It is difficult to remain in a sound mind when you are feeling lethargic, sick, bloated, tired, run-down, or in pain.

You literally are what you eat.

Somewhere along the line I lost contact with myself. Trauma froze me in time. This made me withdraw from people.

Connection now scares me.

Being thus frozen, my way of looking at the world, from a relationship perspective also froze. At the time of the freeze I was young. At that age, socialising is often facilitated by the adults for the child, it’s rarely done directly.

If you share your mental illness with someone, you are asking them to imagine a condition they can only read about and can’t experience.

Really you are asking them to change the lens that they view the world by. To overlay upon their reality, one of your condition. They have to put that lens over every situation that they have ever lived through, every action both minor and major, every interpersonal interaction, as well as over their hopes and plans for the future.

"It was like releasing water through a dam. It felt like if I didn’t cut, that my mind would crack, with devastating results ..."

A traumatic past left me with anxiety and depression issues as well as a significant amount of pent up rage. With no guidance of how to deal with it, I turned to punching a bag for relief. Luckily for me it started to work, and I fell in love with martial arts.

Eventually I came across BJJ and I was hooked - the social atmosphere, constant learning, physicality and the practicality in a self defence situation all combined to be one of the best treatments for my mental health issues...

It is 4am as I write this, I am slightly inebriated and my brain is buzzing. I have been up all night writing and I am still going. I can’t stop.

I must keep writing. When I get on a roll I can’t help it. Something comes over me and I must get it out. It is an affliction. This has happened before and will happen again...

In the months leading up the birth of my first child, I noticed something strange occurring. Almost everyone that I told the news to had the same reaction. First, they congratulated me, then they proceeded to tell me endless stories of the horrors of childbirth and fatherhood.

They would share tales of sleepless nights, never ending inconsolable crying and the mountains upon mountains of poo that regularly explodes out of nappies. 

All of this combined in my mind to create a storm of anxious rumination. As the pregnancy progressed, my mental health steadily declined. I would bounce between dissociation and anxiety with a dash of regret thrown in there.

This is the post that I wish was available to me during that time.

Reflecting on my experiences with anxiety leaves me with a one sentence, anxiety killing mantra:

“Anxiety is a liar and it’s taking up too much of my life”.

I want to prove it to you. Consider the following questions:

- When has it ever been as bad as you thought it was going to be?
-How many times have you worried about something that just has never occurred?
-How many anxious thoughts do you have about one thing - could each possible outcome come true?
-How many times were you anxious before an event, only to be completely fine during the event?

"People often excuse a behaviour if there are extenuating circumstances.

We tend to forgive, downplay or simply ignore it, because we realise that the person doing the behaviour is going through something significant and therefore are ‘not themselves’ at the moment..."

You are what you eat: that’s obvious. But have you wondered how social media affects your brain?

It is very hard to un-hear something. Once you have been exposed to an idea, it is impossible to remove the stain of that idea out of your consciousness. 

You can try and counter it, to disprove it, to ignore it or to fill your mind with other thoughts. Regardless, once it is in, it is there forever. Whether or not you asked to have that piece of information is irrelevant...

Just less than a year ago, I experienced an assault that dramatically changed who I was and how my brain functioned. It has been a slow decline down through depression, anxiety and isolation. The end game with that assault was too domination and control me. But I wanted to share this post to say that you are always one decision away from a different life. (written by an anonymous contributor)

As part of my first university degree, I was required to write an essay on suicide and analyse why there is a significant difference between the suicide completion rates between males and females. It was a critical analysis essay, so the writing style somewhat different to my usual. I share it here now in the thoughts that someone may gain something from reading my essay on suicide:

I don't know where to start other then by saying that writing saved my life, and I wanted to share that with you. Writing has been a lifeline for me throughout my journey with mental health challenges. In moments of deep despair and confusion, putting pen to paper has provided a powerful outlet for my thoughts and emotions, helping me to process my experiences and find clarity.

In a world that often glorifies selflessness and sacrifice, the idea of putting yourself first can feel uncomfortable, maybe even selfish. But the truth is, prioritizing your own wellbeing isn’t just essential for your personal growth and happiness; it’s also crucial for the health of your relationships and the impact you have on others. Putting yourself first is not selfish, it’s a non negotiable.